Sunday, January 5, 2014

Saturday (or, How I Survived Kroger’s)

As I said, I woke up at an amazing 8:30 a.m. on Saturday. I did, of course, wake up at 5:30, but I said fnck it (I actually said, “fnck it!) and went back to sleep. So, I threw some clothes on and went out with a snow shovel to uncover the outside clean out.

I couldn’t find it! So, being a bit lazy and a lot in a hurry, I grabbed the hoe in the garage (the shovels are all in the shed) and hoed around until I found it. I cleaned all around it and then got out the 100-foot extension cord (They will need power).

Then I made a cup of coffee and waited. They weren’t long in coming. I showed them where the cleanout was and walked out my extension cord for them.

They asked me to run the downstairs water while they cut through the roots. All that did was give me a big, black puddle on the downstairs floor!

Running from the outside cleanout to the road didn’t work, so they ran from it to the inside of the house. At last, the puddle went down.  I flushed toilets and ran both showers and the water never came back. They suggested using a camera through the line (but they didn’t have it with them). I agreed, but suggested we do it in the spring when it was warmer.

They did pull some tree roots out and told me that tree roots can grow for up to four more years after cutting down the tree (even though I had the stump ground).

They apologized for having to charge me extra (for going back into the house) and that the $130.00 US they quoted would be $150. I told them all I had was $20’s so I’d give them $160 and they could go have breakfast on me. So, we all parted on friendly terms.

Once they left, I was left with salt and water boots prints (mine included) all over the house. I started cleaning by washing the puddle marks downstairs and stripping the bed. Four loads of laundry later, all the dirty clothes, bedding, towels and mats were clean.

I made some soft-scrambled eggs topped with hot sauce for my late breakfast. Then I shaved, showered and got dressed.  Since I was all suited up to brave the outside, I went out and filled the bird and squirrel feeders. Then I made the biggest mistake of the Holiday season.

Sidebar: Okay, so you could remind me of driving all the way to that cottage in Jackson and only staying one night, or driving to the Brother’s party and back in a blizzard, but I am telling you this was the worst!

I was out of bread, and almost out of cat treats, so I checked out the Kroger flyer and made a grocery list. Then I drove to Kroger’s.

Un-fnckin’ believable! It took me 20 minutes to find a parking spot. It wasn’t even a parking spot, just a place to dump the car. I had to move a shopping cart to pull in and I was glad I kept it. There were no carts inside and the place was a mob scene! You could hardly walk down the aisles. People were everywhere and some were pushing and pulling two of the little carts, loading up for the approaching storm.

I kept apologizing to people for being in the way. I told one lady who apologized to me that I was sorry and that this was the stupidest thing I had ever done. She smiled and agreed. But an elderly woman sitting in a walker like my old one said, “No, there’s a storm coming.”

I grabbed the few things I needed that were left in the store (most of the sale items were already gone, but they said you could get rain checks – like, yeah!) Then I got in a long line to check out. Of course, the bagger left before I got to my turn.

Sidebar: Why is it I am always in the lane where the bagger goes on break?

So, people in front of me where bagging their own groceries (which slowed the line down). When it was my turn, I started bagging my stuff, but then a young Kroger girl showed up and finished bagging. I told her I really appreciated her efforts because I didn’t know WTF I was doing. And, I didn’t…

I loaded up my trunk and pushed the cart off to the side (I was like a mile from the cart corrals). There were three cars waiting for my spot. I rolled down my window and told the lucky guy who took it to take my cart as there were none left inside.

I stopped on the way back home to fill up my gas tank (it was just under 1/2 a tank, but you already know I fear gas line freeze).  The guy in the station was bemoaning his fate. He said he was almost out of regular gas and has already been called by his supplier. There will be no deliveries until Tuesday morning at the earliest. Fortunately, (?) I have to use mid-grade or premium.

I was back home and unloaded by 4:00 p.m. I took the brie out to let it come to room temp. I was seriously wiped out, so then I took a nap…

I woke up just after 6:00 p.m. I used the mop to suck up the rest of the water downstairs. There was some kitty litter around the cat box that had gotten wet so I didn’t even try to sweep the floor. I have to let it dry out.

Now, I had a dinner planned (which helped determine my trip to Kroger’s – I needed a 1/2 cup of white wine and some mushrooms). But instead, I ate the hell out of the brie on top of the Herbed Baguette bakery chips Carla had bought (Stacy’s Bake Shop).

I watched “First Blood” for the millionth time. Then I switched to “The Outlaw Josey Wales” (my favorite and my vote for the best Western ever). I fell asleep during that with my glasses on and broke them.

Please note: there was NO dishwasher installation in Saturday!


  1. That was nice to give the guys some extra for their troubles. Perhaps if you'd have given a little more they would have helped you with the growing pile of dirty dishes in your kitchen.

  2. LOL! Probably. I wish they would have helped cleaning up the crap downstairs, though.